My friend Ryan loves the outdoors, but the outdoors don't really
seem to love him back. Over the years I've gone on some ill-fated outings with
him. Outings I feel lucky to have come home from.
10 reasons why I'll never go
camping with Ryan again:
1.
His theory that any animal can be domesticated with marshmallows.
2.
Mouth-harp-'round-the-fire time.
3.
Constantly referring to hiking with a backpack as "humping."
4.
The Airforce bombing range incident of 2002.
5.
The pirate voice.
6.
Seven straight hours of "sound off
1-2, sound off 3-4, bring it on down..."
7.
The old rubber snake gag.
8.
Poison ivy smoke signals.
9.
The man with the golden arm.
10.
No camp stove, just a Dutch oven.